Needless or Needy?
You fall into one of two camps:
- Needless
- Needy
Needless looks like not needing much, having a strong capacity to deal with whatever comes your way, and a desire to stay out of everyone else’s way. “Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here making myself as insignificant and unimpactful as possible. I’m a human, but I don’t have needs.”
Needy looks like always needing something from others, having an issue with whatever comes your way, and a demand that the world around you acquiesce to your desires. “Excuse me, but I’m over here needing your full attention, and you better see, hear, understand, and cater to me. I have needs, and it’s your job to meet them.”
Sometimes, people from either camp will attempt to step into the opposite one.
Needless people who attempt to be needy usually end up being righteous and whiney about their needs.
This, of course, confuses the people closest to you who are so accustomed to you being needless. They feel put-upon and threatened (to be fair, they are) and they have a negative reaction. This causes you to retreat. “See! This is why I never ask for things. It doesn’t work!!!” You give up trying to let love in.
Needy people who attempt to be needless usually end up stuffing all of their emotions and being falsely sweet.
This, of course, confuses the people closest to you who are so used to you being demanding. They have a subtle sense that there’s something you’re not saying, and that they are in some amount of danger by not poking you further. They don’t WANT to poke, though, as this would be foolish. Instead, they’re left with a sense of ickiness from your interaction, and feeling like you don’t trust them. They give up trying to love you.
It should be obvious by now that neither of these work to get people what they want and need.
They do, however, work to keep us safe, protected, invulnerable, and in our own martyrdom.
The interesting thing to note is this: these two people are the same. They both have needs, which — despite their best efforts — go largely unmet.
The needless person thinks they don’t need anything, but they’re incorrect.
The needy person thinks they know what they need, but they’re incorrect.
Both utilize manipulation in order to navigate life and relationships.
Manipulation of self. Manipulation of others.
No trust in self.
No trust in others.
No trust in God/Spirit/The Divine.
“The world is not safe, and therefore I act in these ways.”
If only we could stop asking for crumbs. (bare minimum)
If only we could stop demanding the moon. (the impossible)
If only we could realize how abundant love is around us, and simply reach out to receive it.
