I Did it Wrong!

I just had a session with one of my coaching clients in which I did it all WRONG.

My coach trainees from the programs I lead would have been so perplexed had they been listening in. I went against most of the things I train them in, you see, and had anyone been evaluating my call using the ICF core competencies rating sheet, they would have given me some very low scores in certain areas.

AND… I was aware of it during the session. In fact, the way the session was going became part of our conversation.

We were talking about how people often get stuck in “should” or “right/wrong” and how it keeps them from:

1. Knowing who they are, separate of what they are “supposed to be doing” and…
2. Being who they are, separate of what they are “supposed to be doing”

It’s not that rules are bad. I believe we need to truly learn the rules before we can break them on purpose.

The last thing this client needs me to be is a robot version of myself. They are struggling with that very thing, so I wouldn’t be doing them any favors by engaging in it myself.

I’ve noticed that when I apply rules to my personal Being, I lose ME.

Suddenly I am this entity to be assessed, controlled, and managed. People don’t get to experience ME, they get a performance of me.

Most of all, I don’t get to experience me.

I had the childhood experience -and I believe most people have- of learning early on that “me” is not good enough. I need to learn who everyone else wants me to be, and then perform that so that people like me (love me).

This is a survival instinct and it once served me well.

True adulthood simply means the shedding of those devices concerning control and protection that we picked up at young ages and are now reluctant to put down.

It means freedom.

But here’s the question: are you willing to put down your rules, management, and control?

Well, if you were willing, you probably would have.

The inquiry I am in lately is not “how do I let go of control?”

It’s: “how can I become willing to let go?”